I Don't Know That I Believe in Divine Intervention, But Someone Please Just Point Me in the Right Direction

I don't know how much I can say because I don't want to get anyone in trouble.  Let's just say I was in a certain ICU.  Does everyone know what an ICU is?  I didn't, honestly.  It's pretty darn bad.  Here it was people who have just come out of surgery.  Most of them are still unconscious.

I had the scene in my mind that I would be following her around on some rounds.  It would be long hallways with many little rooms.  She'd go into the rooms and say hi, close curtains, bring food, and I'd peek in.  Obviously I had little idea of what a Nurse Practionner does. 

We were in a big room with around 13 beds.  People were not really separated from each other.  Some were doing better than others.  One person was not closed up yet from surgery; they showed me all this and more.  The ICU is not playin' around!

I never in one million years expected to see all that I did.  Like I said, my image of all this was pretty tame.  It was interesting, and it was an amazing and invaluable experience.  I'm just really not sure how I feel about it.

I was a History and Philosophy major, with strong leanings towards English and Art History as well.  I wrote and read about life and death, long and flowery prose about not going gently into that good night.  My thesis was on how a murderer's intent factored into their punishment in Imperial China.  I hang out in coffee shops.  I've defined myself my entire life by my artsy, liberal arts side.  Am I a science person?  Can I even dare to cross into that realm?  What happens to the rest of me?

I might be more confused now than I've been yet.  True, this is just the first career path I've explored since law school, but I don't really know what my second and third paths would be.  The search is exhausting, and I don't understand why it has to be.  I don't see my friends going through all this; why is it so much more clear for them?

I'm not saying I'm canning the idea of nursing, but it's definitely a lot to take in.  It didn't gross me out or make me squeamish, but it was certainly something I'd never seen before and that I'll never forget.