It's All About the Dough/Clams/Green Stuff/Benjamins/Loot/Pesos...

Normally, I love the news. And I'll breeze through just about any article that catches my eye. Sometimes, atrocious titles catch my eye, and then I have to avert my face from the keyboard so as not to get vom all over it.

Such an incident occurred just this evening. I was clicking through the New York Times, making sure I didn't miss anything big today, when I saw this title, "The Success of Ryan Seacrest."

I was hoping that this article was someone's feable attempt at humor, but no, it's dead serious.

I tried to read the article as a serious piece of journalism, but I failed. Sure, Ryan Seacrest works really hard. His schedule must be overwhelming and terrifying. But that doesn't make him any less creepy. He did also date Skeletor/Terri Hatcher.

Mr. Seacrest blamed his tight schedule and overwhelming media scrutiny of the relationship for his decision to quit Ms. Hatcher. "She's clever," he said. "She's self-deprecating. She's successful. She can pay for dinner. What's wrong? It is strange, but I don't think it was a Teri Hatcher issue. It's a Ryan Seacrest issue."

Yes, I concur.

In other pop culture news, Madonna shocks the world with her tour. One of her scenes includes hanging from a giant cross.

I'm all for pushing the envelope or being offensive, but what's the point here? I don't care how many times Madonna reinvents herself, it just doesn't feel like quality any more to me. Shocking people just to shock; it's tired. Also, I don't understand (please explain to me if you do) how she can start out with this material girl/slutty/groveling in front of black Jesus image, then condemn that image as stupid/childish/naive/whatever she said, and then embrace it all again on this new tour? If she doesn't believe it anymore, then I guess it's just a money thing. So let's be honest, Madonna.

I don't hate Madonna, but wow, some people certainly do. Sharon Osbourne said,

“She’s a t**t. I would like to punch her. She is so full of s***.

“She’s in Kabbalah one minute, she’s a Catholic the next — she’ll be a Hindu soon no doubt. F*** off you t**t.”

Harsh words. Apparently there's even a rare book out there for Madonna haters.

I'll take Evita-Madonna over these new schizophrenic Madonnas any day.