Pity Party

It’s funny, just two years I remember lamenting what a bitch I was. I was depressed at being in law school, and I wanted nothing to do with it or anyone around me. After I left law school I wished I had been kinder and more compassionate. Now, I kinda miss the bitch.

I think it just might be possible to be assertive without being aggression. I’d like to be sure of myself without being arrogant. It will be a challenge, and it’s even more difficult trying to do these things while being a woman. It’s too bad I can’t talk about my coworkers or my boss because I’d have a lot to say. I will say that I hate the environment. But since fiancé and I plan on moving either shortly before or after the wedding to a different city, and because on Friday I just got promoted, I made the decision to stay in this job until we move. As fiancé once told me, I could either change my attitude about my job or change my job. Well, it’s time to work on my attitude.

I’m not sure how to go about this. I still have a few things to get done before I’ll be able to spend some time on myself… it’s going to take a good bit of thought.

How do each of you deal with your own personal shitstorms?

The Girl Has Issues

I'm being a bad friend and a dumbass. Every time someone mentions to me that they plan on going to law school I get super squirrelly. Maybe because I couldn't thrive there I don't want anyone else to; maybe that would make it somehow easier for me. But also from my perspective now, my reasoning for going in the first place seems so clearly ill-advised. Many times I feel that if I could just show people what I came to understand, if I can make them see their true reasoning for going, then they would realize that they're not doing it for the right reasons. But, wake up, Seredne, no one has the same reasons for doing anything.

I'm just being so stupid. I went to a good college, and it's only natural that lots of people from that school would plan on going to law school. They want to be politicians, work for non-profits, or fight for the rights of women/underprivileged/impoverished/hamsters.

It's not my place to say who can thrive and who can't, who will enjoy it and who will find out that it's a big mistake that effects the rest of their life. What do I know about them? What the hell is my problem? And all I'm accomplishing when I'm constantly bombarding my friends with sassy or glib comments and more persistent pleadings is a) pissing them off b) making them not want to discuss the situation further with me and c) perhaps strengthening their resolve to go (even if subconsciously) so that they can 'show me.'

On all three counts I lose. I'd better get my shit together.