I Have an Eye for Eyebrows

Tonight I had quite a heated discussion... about eyebrows.

George Carlin once said,

Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.

We all have our little quirks and peeves. I have a "thing" about eyebrows.

When I watch a movie, the eyebrows are one of the first things I notice about a celebrity. When meeting a woman for the first time, my eyes go straight to the eyebrows. If the eyebrows irk me, they'll probably be the only thing I'm able to notice for a long time.

I've only had a pedicure once in my life. I felt awful almost the whole time. There I was, sitting high and mighty in a chair with a magazine on my lap and a remote control in my hand paying a Vietnamese woman, who only spoke a little English, to clean, buff, and polish my toenails. I just can't do it.

So going to get your eyebrows waxed might be a little less demeaning in that the person isn't kneeling at your feet, but you're still paying someone to peel a small area of hair away from around your eyebrow. I know that huge amount of women have this done; I think I was maybe one of two women in my law school class not to have it done. I just wish I understood!

Don't get me wrong, some people need a little help. Unibrows are really unacceptable in 2006, even though some celebrities love to sport beasty moustaches of eyebrows. I am not alone in thinking that Jennifer Connelly really needs to tone down the forest on her face. She has even been asked about it in interviews:

Q: You have very distinct eyebrows. Do you get asked about them all the time?
A: No, no one ever asks me about my eyebrows.

Q: Really? They're not regular movie-star eyebrows, like, say, Julia Roberts's.
A: You mean the "Oh, my God, anything can happen at any moment" look? I do have a bit of a stern brow. Sometimes my husband, Paul [Bettany], will think I'm quite cross and I'll say, "Honey, it's just my face."

I'd be scared waking up next to that mess if I was her husband, too.

Of course, the opposite effect seems just as bad to me. Why the tiny line porn star look? I understand that slimming down eyebrows can soften the look of your face, but do they need to look pointy and drawn on?

A friend of mine informed me that some people even get their eyebrows removed and then tattooed back on. I ranted and raved about this practice for a while, until he informed me that his sister actually did this. Whoops, this topic almost always gets me in trouble.

Wikipedia refers to tattoo eyebrows as Permanent Makeup:

Permanent makeup is a cosmetic technique which employs tattoos (permanent pigmentation of the dermis) as a means of producing designs that resemble makeup, such as eyelining (eye shadows and mascara) and other permanent enhancing colors to the skin of the face, lips and eyelids. It is also used to produce artificial eyebrows, particulary in people who have lost it as a consequence of old age, disease, such as alopecia, chemotherapy or a genetic disturbance, and to disguise scars and white spots in the skin such as in vitiligo. It is also used to restore or enhance the breast's areola, such as after breast surgery.

Notice that Wikipedia offers that permanent makeup works for people of old age or who undergo chemo. It doesn't say for twenty/thirty/forty/fifty-somethings with perfectly nice and normal eyebrows.

Breast implants? Dangerous and sometimes ghastly looking, but sure, most women at some point or another have probably wished for larger breasts.
Nose job? I think Michael Jackson clearly exposed the dark side of this procedure. Yet again, it may have its place.
Botox? Sure, inject your face with poison to keep it firm. I can see how celebrities who have always relied on being youthful are probably terrified of wrinkles, right?
Tattooed eyebrows? Anyone?

I don't think I've met anyone yet who shares my staunch outlook on eyebrow waxing, but hopefully at least someone thinks the tattooing is a little over the edge. Just to be on the safe side, I won't hold my breath.

Also, Internet, just so that you can't call me some kind of eyebrow denouncing hypocrite, here is one of my eyebrows to stare at you as you finish this post. And for my new anonymous friends, please imagine it piercing you with flames if you even think about posting blog spam.

And finally, I regret that the integrity of this blog (cough, cough) has been ruined by the posting of Paris Hilton's image. I apologize for any permanent damage this may have caused you.