Party Cake

So scrolling through my blog this morning, I noticed that THE HELL WITH THAT began in February 2006.  It's been about one year of blogging (give or take a few days, I didn't go far enough to look up the actual date this began).  This blog helped me work out many of the concerns I was having about being in law school.  It gave me a place to project.

I'd say it's been an interesting year.  Some of the biggest decisions/problems of my life occurred in this year.  Aside from law school (which I now rarely think about and never miss),

I moved in with my boyfriend,
I'm thankful for this every day.  Living together is great.  We're not kids any more.  He doesn't have to drive me home at night and watch me unlock the door to make sure I got in okay.  We don't have to say goodbye.  I can make him dinner, we can take care of eachother.  We're working on our future.

One of my best friends got very sick,
I don't remember if it was the end of May or in June when they found out.  Since then there have been a number of treatments, and I really thought we were out of the woods.  Unfortunately it's not over yet and some different, more dangerous, treatments are going to be used.  I'm not going to say more for obvious privacy concerns, but I can't help mentioning that it's on my mind frequently. 

Peace was made with an old friend,
I can't say "I made peace with an old friend" because I really had little to do with it.  Maybe you remember me mentioning that my name had appeared on someone's blog, I grew irritated about it and I emailed them to have it removed (after we hadn't spoken in about seven years).  To my extreme surprise, he responded with explanations and apologies for why things turned so sour and cold.  When you can actually get closure on the end of a relationship instead of just dirty looks and "we grew apart," it's pretty nice.  I feel like I can finally put all those feelings to bed.  I don't have to get a little anxious when I drive by his house, I don't have to worry that he's still writing angry songs and blog entries and posting them on the internet, and I don't have to be afraid if I run into him at a restaurant or the movies because he won't go nuts in my face. 

I look and listen,
Instead of repeating the same mistakes I made on entering law school (not listening to myself, clinging to a plan just because it's a plan, etc.), I've actually explored a few career options and even tried out a few things.  I'm looking before I leap; it's new.

I'm standing up,
Instead of hiding my head in the sand with my family issues, I'm trying to find answers, resolutions, and maybe even eventually let it all go.

and, I'm good.
If much of my life was made up of feeling sorry for myself, feeling guilty, wanting to fit in, trying out so many different images, thinking I understood everything, and apologizing for myself, then I'm happy to say that I'm finally "over it."  Maybe not 100%, but then I'd go with at least 99%.  If I've made bad choices, then I've also made some excellent ones.  If I'm not perfect, then I'm a hell of a lot better than many of the ways I could have turned out.  In my perfect world, there are a few other things I'd like to be doing that I'm not (studying for the GRE, reading more, art classes), but I've got time.  And, I'm happy.