F*ck You, I'm Eating!

A few nights ago I was studying for my PSYCH: Life Span Development course. In the textbook there was a set of photos all of the same man as a newborn, at age 6, at age 15, 19 and 38. I couldn't stop staring at this picture, and for some reason it made me very sad. The man had young, playful eyes that didn't change, but everything else did.

There's some kind of myth about aging, like if we could only appreciate and enjoy our youth and not take it for granted, then age would somehow be kinder to us. We would feel like an old man surrounded by grandkids or a young man who is full from too much turkey at Thanksgiving dinner.

Every speaker I attended in college very nearly pled with us to enjoy our youth and not take this time in our lives for granted. They spoke with urgency and longing. The friends you make here will follow you through your wedding days and after, the parties will live among your greatest memories, work hard and play hard, they urged.

I attended speakers in college, I worked hard for good grades, I spent long hours with my community service fraternity making friends and sweating over a building project, painting, landscaping, etc. I took time to “smell the roses,” I walked the college grounds at night, I looked up at the stars and questioned how small my life is but how much it means to me, I cried and I laughed. I think it’s safe to say that I never took my experience for granted and that I was always keenly aware of my luck at being in such a special place.

However, I want more turkey. Maybe I’m greedy, like the end of a roller coaster ride when the child hurls herself out of the ride and back into the line yelling, “again, again!” Who is really going to get off and say, “my, what an excellent ride that was, I’m thankful for having the opportunity to ride it,” and then go about their business? Not likely, unless you’re a zen master… but then this particular entry never really pertained to or interested you.

We’re basically born with the knowledge that we’re going to die, or we learn it quickly. Yet somewhere between dating, tv shows and playing the xbox we can forget that this unfathomable concept is a reality. Every time I think about old age and death, the thought smashes into the back of my head like an iron frying pan.

I’m enjoying being young, every day. I enjoy and am thankful for boyfriend, every day. This contentment and feeling that I’m living fully brings me no zen wisdom, though. I’m not full from Thanksgiving. I’d like the time back, I’d like more, I’d like to jump from one fiction to another like the people I read about in books, like the movies I love. Does anyone really get to the end of the best meal they’ve ever had, the most compelling novel, the great American movie, or the loved one’s embrace and say, “thanks, I’m satisfied”?