Where Does It Get You, Anyway?
I saw a quote on someone's Facebook profile yesterday that said,
"every day of your life is a test. are you passing?"
Usually I would pass this type of quote off as annoying, or as some type of religious "God is watching you" propaganda. Maybe I should blame it on the mood I've been in lately, but I stopped to think about it.
When I look back on where I've been I feel astonished by how far I've come. But if I look at where I want to be I'm not sure I know how to get there. I wonder if I can get there.
Yesterday I asked boyfriend if our apartment, our building, our city felt like home. He said, "more or less." I hate that everyone moves away after graduation and scatters across the country. I hate that there's almost this compulsion put on young people to go out in the world, find yourself, and make your mark. Do you need to go to Ouagadougou to do it? Why does being independent unequivocally equal good?
I've always liked the phrase that it takes a village to raise a child. Boyfriend grew up in a family where friends are like family and their circle of friends always took a yearly mountain trip while he was growing up. He was surrounded by love. I've always enjoyed going to gatherings at his house because it's so much about having a great time with people instead of showing off the latest piece of furniture or just going through some stiff, formal motions. One of the worst parts of law school was being stuck out in Pittsburgh, four hours away from the nearest friend.
I can't control other people (obviously). But when I think about my life being a test and what I want the answers to be, I want it to be about love and compassion. I wish I didn't have to drive to other cities to visit friends. Home, to me, is where my friends are... where my community is... where I can plant roots, get involved, and what it all grow. I'm not the independent, cut ties and go forth mid-20-something woman I'm supposed to be (rather, that this culture leads us to believe we should be).
Boyfriend showed me this article in his Economist about ' Beware the Bridezilla.' Some woman wrote a book on the bridal industry craze and how to help women avoid the traps. It must be the month to write about weddings, Slate also just did a series of wedding/bridezilla articles. I liked in a Slate article how one journalist wrote:
'Abused bridesmaids, perplexed grooms, and appalled parents complain endlessly about the personality changes that otherwise lovely young women undergo when they start arranging "my day."
Is there anything more revealing than the phrase—uttered with a stamping of the foot and a rising of the voice—"my day"? Of course it's not "our day," because the groom is merely an accessory, like a cake topper. The first time a bride-to-be utters the words "my day," I recommend potential bridesmaids and grooms respond, "Mayday."'
So true. It is madness. Women seem to think all the hoopla is what they're supposed to do, and the bridal industry certainly has no qualms about feeding that lie. Maybe a woman thinks she can endure a marriage where she's the sole person to cook, clean, and take care of the kids if she can just have this one day to do whatever she wants. It's like a payoff. I'm marrying you, I'll do your bidding, but don't get on MY TURF. I agree with the Slate journalist that it should send out a "may day." We're so consumed with everything but what's important.
I also agree with a reviewer on the One Perfect Day book, it falls back to the ideas in an earlier book called Bowling Alone . Bowling Alone talks about the break down of families, communities, etc. I'm not sure why we're running away from eachother, but I blame the wedding business, the moving away after graduation stuff less on some industry and more on some idea we all have of what's "right." I don't know where we get it, but too many people I know seem to have it.
Community involvement is so important to me; my friends are so important to me. I don't know if I'm passing the "life test" yet, but I hope to. I hope I can own a house, look out the window and know my neighbors. I'd like to have a weekly dinner with friends and talk about our dogs. I don't think these values are silly or uncultured or that I should be ashamed for thinking it's alright to want to live in a suburb. Here in DC, I've been told I have an unsophisticated palate because I'm not interested in eating sushi.
What is this place!? How can we be happy unless we shrug off the "I should do this" or "I must do/like this." Who made these rules?
"every day of your life is a test. are you passing?"
Usually I would pass this type of quote off as annoying, or as some type of religious "God is watching you" propaganda. Maybe I should blame it on the mood I've been in lately, but I stopped to think about it.
When I look back on where I've been I feel astonished by how far I've come. But if I look at where I want to be I'm not sure I know how to get there. I wonder if I can get there.
Yesterday I asked boyfriend if our apartment, our building, our city felt like home. He said, "more or less." I hate that everyone moves away after graduation and scatters across the country. I hate that there's almost this compulsion put on young people to go out in the world, find yourself, and make your mark. Do you need to go to Ouagadougou to do it? Why does being independent unequivocally equal good?
I've always liked the phrase that it takes a village to raise a child. Boyfriend grew up in a family where friends are like family and their circle of friends always took a yearly mountain trip while he was growing up. He was surrounded by love. I've always enjoyed going to gatherings at his house because it's so much about having a great time with people instead of showing off the latest piece of furniture or just going through some stiff, formal motions. One of the worst parts of law school was being stuck out in Pittsburgh, four hours away from the nearest friend.
I can't control other people (obviously). But when I think about my life being a test and what I want the answers to be, I want it to be about love and compassion. I wish I didn't have to drive to other cities to visit friends. Home, to me, is where my friends are... where my community is... where I can plant roots, get involved, and what it all grow. I'm not the independent, cut ties and go forth mid-20-something woman I'm supposed to be (rather, that this culture leads us to believe we should be).
Boyfriend showed me this article in his Economist about ' Beware the Bridezilla.' Some woman wrote a book on the bridal industry craze and how to help women avoid the traps. It must be the month to write about weddings, Slate also just did a series of wedding/bridezilla articles. I liked in a Slate article how one journalist wrote:
'Abused bridesmaids, perplexed grooms, and appalled parents complain endlessly about the personality changes that otherwise lovely young women undergo when they start arranging "my day."
Is there anything more revealing than the phrase—uttered with a stamping of the foot and a rising of the voice—"my day"? Of course it's not "our day," because the groom is merely an accessory, like a cake topper. The first time a bride-to-be utters the words "my day," I recommend potential bridesmaids and grooms respond, "Mayday."'
So true. It is madness. Women seem to think all the hoopla is what they're supposed to do, and the bridal industry certainly has no qualms about feeding that lie. Maybe a woman thinks she can endure a marriage where she's the sole person to cook, clean, and take care of the kids if she can just have this one day to do whatever she wants. It's like a payoff. I'm marrying you, I'll do your bidding, but don't get on MY TURF. I agree with the Slate journalist that it should send out a "may day." We're so consumed with everything but what's important.
I also agree with a reviewer on the One Perfect Day book, it falls back to the ideas in an earlier book called Bowling Alone . Bowling Alone talks about the break down of families, communities, etc. I'm not sure why we're running away from eachother, but I blame the wedding business, the moving away after graduation stuff less on some industry and more on some idea we all have of what's "right." I don't know where we get it, but too many people I know seem to have it.
Community involvement is so important to me; my friends are so important to me. I don't know if I'm passing the "life test" yet, but I hope to. I hope I can own a house, look out the window and know my neighbors. I'd like to have a weekly dinner with friends and talk about our dogs. I don't think these values are silly or uncultured or that I should be ashamed for thinking it's alright to want to live in a suburb. Here in DC, I've been told I have an unsophisticated palate because I'm not interested in eating sushi.
What is this place!? How can we be happy unless we shrug off the "I should do this" or "I must do/like this." Who made these rules?
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