Growing Pains

I think I'm still here.  It's interesting, I get more hits on my blog when I don't write than when I do… I wonder what that says!

It's the same old story here.  I'm in the last minute scramble to finish my two classes.  My performance in both has been a huge disappointment.  I took a psych exam last night that I was completely ready for; I had done everything I was supposed to do – read, engage with it, talk to people about it, write about it, etc. 

Taking a class online (basically, buying a book, reading to yourself and then taking tests on it) is not a good way to learn, at least not for me.  I suppose we have teachers for a reason!  I have no more excuses.  I'm tired of excuses, and I'm tired of feeling this inadequate.  I've never scored this poorly before, so you could say that I feel less than great.

I can't devote myself full-time to my job, friends, classes, or even the wedding.  Remember how a few weeks ago I was terrified because I wouldn't be able to take any classes this fall?  HA!  That was the biggest blessing ever.  I need to get my shit together and smack myself around.  Feeling deeply ashamed, inadequate, and helpless all the time isn't good for me, my fiancé, and certainly not for this blog.  At least while I was in law school hell I could joke about it.

In other news, I bought this magazine.  It wasn't cheap ($10), but it's got some helpful things in it about wedding dresses and styles and honeymoons.  Of course buying this magazine did lead to my mom telling me that my body is "pear-shaped."  I've never thought of myself as pear-shaped, and I certainly didn't enjoy hearing it from my mother.  I was thinking more "hour glass!"

I appreciate all the comments about the bridesmaid dresses!  It's very helpful to get other perspectives.  I agree with Loralee that the dress with wider straps would probably me for flattering for my girls who are trying to cover up a bit.  One reason I was wary of that dress was because of the colors.  You can click on different colored boxes to have the dress switch colors, but none of them looked quite right.  I decided to check out some other chiffon dresses by Jasmine B2, and now I think that the color discrepancy is just an internet rendering mess up on that particular dress.  I compared three dresses, all chiffon, in the same exact color.  Two of them looked the same shade, as they should, and it was a very nice shade.  The dress that I like looked like a different shade… like someone used Microsoft Paint's paint can tool to change the color of the dress.  So, I'm chalking it up to poor color rendering on the website.  I'm going to check out color swatches in two weeks, and I think I'll have pretty good luck finding what I want – too bad it doesn't show up properly online!

Lastly, fiancé and I have been testing the waters in some of those fun pre-marriage discussions concerning babies, child-rearing and finances.  A question for married folks, do you have joint accounts, separate accounts, or a combination of both?  Maybe I'm silly and immature, but I'm still surprised at how "big" these discussions seem to me!  Talking about buying lawnmowers and painting the house... these are things that my parents do.  I guess sometimes I still just feel like a teenager!