easter is not just for the bunny

Googlism says:
easter is a bad hare day petition
easter is a time of love
easter is about freedom
easter is really for jesus
easter is a sacred chocolate eating contest

Well, I don't know about that, Googlism. Let me tell you about Easter at Seredne's house...
easter is The GM throwing shit flips 24/7
easter is The GM^2 laying low in the garage or going fishing
easter is The Hater... usually not present, but if he is present... stomping and storming around yelling he'll never be back again
easter is everyone I know at home getting disappointed and irritated that I can't spend time with them
easter is shit storm city

All in all, it's hard work being a disappointment to everyone around you all day. Hard work indeed. Especially for someone who has always been the pride and joy, the big winner, the looks great on paper achiever.

After celebrating some belated birthdays, I escaped to visit with an old friend who I haven't seen in some time, and I was really shocked. The studio he has been working on since Jesus rose from the grave is looking amazing. He seemed really interested in what he was working on and just really interested in general. It made me feel so inspired and moved to see him like that. I wanted to run home and feverishly begin working on art.

I've sketchy a few times this year, but I haven't picked up a paintbrush in forever. I haven't collaged in even longer. Not to mention... when was the last time I finished a novel?

Thinking about the creative black hole spiraling in my life makes me want to be sick. In elementary school, my dream was art. I loved creating, and it was mostly how I spent my free time. Middle school saw even more development as I tried building on the basics. I took a cartooning class at a different school a few nights during the week. We just worked on caricatures of famous people. It probably didn't provide that much value, but it's the only formal art class I have ever taken besides elementary school play time. In high school everything started piling up. I kept an incredible journal throughout all four years. I still worked on some art related things, mostly making smaller crafts and spending less time sketching or painting. A few times I stayed after school to work on sculpture. The art history teacher agreed to spend some time with me even though I never took any art classes; she must have felt great thinking someone was actually interested in what she had to say.

In college everything went to hell. I tried to keep writing my first year, and I did get something published, but it was nothing like it used to be. I really never did anything artistic, although my roommate was a photography major. I would watch her with hungry eyes while she worked on art projects for class.

Now, I still don't have the time yet to find my way back to creativity. Hopefully this summer and next year I will. If I can feel again how I felt tonight it should be no problem. As the end of law school draws near I feel myself becoming more and more inspired to work on different projects. The GM and GM^2 will love it.... dropped out... unemployed.. and making ART. It's probably their greatest nightmare (that is, after anything related to psychology or social work).

I'm not saying I want to run off to Greenwich village and flick the ashes of my cigarette at social conformity... that's really not my idea of a good time. I just want some way to be creative, and I want more time to enrich myself. I am tired of putting the person that I would like to be on the backburner and instead indulging the one that looks best in other people's eyes. I have high hopes for next year. With a new location and some space to breath, I think it just might happen.