Whinny whinny, neigh neigh

Ahh.... sweet, sweet slumber.

Only to be awoken at 2am by a Charley Horse!

It's hard to describe a Charley Horse to someone who has never had one. Boyfriend once exclaimed, "I think I just had a Charley Horse." Oh, no, my friend... oh, no... if you had a Charley Horse - you'd know!

Mine have always been in my calf muscle. I've had the occassional warning that one is about to occur in my foot, but I can usually control those before they explode. The calf muscle becomes stricken with intense, burning pain. You think, if you could just calm down and not touch or move your leg it would go away. This is actually one of the worst things you can do. You're supposed to stretch it, but moving your is so horribly painful. All you can do is writh around, trying not to scream so as not to completely terrify the person sleeping peacefully next to you.

This is impossible. They'll wake up. They'll think they just entered a scene from a horror movie.

Wikipedia says that common causes of Charley Horses are:

* Sore muscles after exercise
* Hormone imbalance
* Mineral deficiency
* Dehydration

But, really,

* Sore muscles after exercise - You've probably picked up on one of my main gripes lately; I feel off the gym wagon. No, I didn't fall off, I snuck off like a rat!
* Hormone imbalance - Why?
* Mineral deficiency - I even took vitamins that day (and I hate taking vitamins), and I had a strawberry/banana smoothie.
* Dehydration - Sure, I don't drink enough water... but why now?

I'm not satisfied with the answers I found. You lose, Wikipedia. But, something even better than a Charley horse:

Here's a video of an incredible dancing horse.

Desperate

I am so PIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSED!!!!!

Tuesday night boyfriend took me to a little Italian restaurant near us that we'd never been to (not on Valentine's Day because he had to do something for work Wednesday night). Well he lucked out. We've had some snow, lots of sleet, and it all turned to ice. His work was canceled Wednesday (and it's still canceled today! WTF). Mine was not (and isn't today either), but lots of people didn't show up anyway. I had to cover for lots of people and I was incredibly busy the entire day. Boo!

When I got home from work he'd gotten me peach colored roses, a book I'd been wanting to read and some chocolates. I gave him the new Bloc Party CD, an iTunes gift card, and then began to make some FONDUE.

I think I'd said that I'd never made fondue before, but the recipes I found were simple enough. The scariest party was lighting the Sterno can to put in my centuries old fondue pot that I bought 2 summers ago at a yard sale.

The cheese turned out delicious! Who needs the Melting Pot!? I cut up a loaf of French bread, Pumpernickel, some golden delicious apples, and carrots. I used sharp cheddar for the cheese dip.

The chocolate turned out fine, not knock-your-socks-off fantastic, but pretty good. I was so full at that point from devouring over 8 oz. of cheese with boyfriend that I couldn't eat much of it. I used milk chocolate (his favorite) and we dipped bananas, strawberries, pound cake, brownies, and graham crackers in the pot.

Oh, did I mention that because boyfriend had a snow day yesterday and it was Valentine's Day that I decided I deserved a day off from the gym? Did I mention that we went out to dinner Tuesday and then stuffed ourselves with fondue (a dieter's worst nightmare) Wednesday night? I went to the gym this morning; it was hell on Earth. I mostly fast-walked because I couldn't stand running. I wish I could use the elliptical machine instead of the treadmill, but that machine is always the first to be taken.

I weighed myself right before my shower. Do you want to guess? No, of course you don't... because the results are too horrible to imagine! For the last 1.5 weeks of working out, of incorporating Slim Fast into every breakfast and lunch, I've GAINED TWO POUNDS!

I have lost absolutely nothing, my endurance isn't getting any better, and I'm really getting disappointed and losing my drive. I was having a hard time accepting that I hadn't lost any weight yet, but when I woke up this morning with two additional pounds, I just couldn't believe it. Maybe it's better to be a little plump around the edges. What do I have to do to lose weight!?!! Maybe now that all this Valentine's/chocolate/dining out business is done with I'll be fine and I should just chill out.... maybe...

How Do People Do It?

Working out and waking up your body after 20-something years of slack and laziness is a difficult thing.

Days I've gone to the gym include last Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday, and yesterday and today. I wake up from my warm, comfortable bed at 6am and haul my ass down to the gym (looking a little rough, might I add) where I sweat, gasp for breath and pray that I can astrally project my consciousness out of my body for the next 20 minutes.

For all this, I only burn about 160-180 calories.

Check out what 200 calories looks like. It's a half a bagel or two dinner rolls! Hell, 160 calories is one can of soda (if I decided not to drink diet... which I wouldn't... but that's not the point!). The point is that it's really a little discouraging. My waking up early, sweating and panting can all be for nothing SO easily. How am I supposed to lose weight?

I guess that over time my body will get more capable of running for longer periods of time or increasing the resistance. It's possible that so far I've lost one pound, but it's really hard to see the small notches on the scale, so I could be imagining it.

I'd really just like to look damn hot in a bikini before I get old...