Blogger, Blogging, To Blog

I'd been wondering why blogs I normally read hadn't updated in a while. I thought maybe there was some blog hiatus conspiracy and I wasn't invited. Turns out you just need to hit this crazy button called "refresh." Go figure!

I've noticed that blogger never shows when I have comments on entries anymore. It always just says "0." "0" makes me sad. Has anyone else had this problem? Sometimes I wish I had the money to move to movable type or typepad.

Also, I've been thinking about my blog lately more generally - where it's come from and where it's going.
I used to love to write while I was in high school. I wrote a lot of poetry my freshman year, and I kept a pretty consistent journal through junior year. The habit died after that, was reborn a little during my freshman year of college, and then promptly died again until law school. My idea in high school was, and it certainly still seems true today, that one writes best when they're in distress. It's hard to write well when you're perfectly happy.

So now that I can't take pictures of my law school books in the oven anymore (well I guess I could... they're in a box next to the kitchen), I almost miss it. I would come home from school so excited to blog it up. Sometimes I'd sneak away at lunch to blog. Blogging kept me from hoisting myself into the Monongahela River.

I think I could really use some spring (late summer?) cleaning right now. I need to finally take pictures of those shitty law school books of pain and slap them on amazon/ebay/half.com and try to make a buck. I need to write down where all the money is going that I'm making out checks for. I need to pick up the dirty clothes off the floor, finish brilloing the rust off the wok, go through my old clothes and take them over to Good Will, sign up for Habitat for Humanity, volunteer at a hospital, respond to my e-mails and voicemails, study for the goddamned GRE (incase?), paint with my fingers, meditate, take kung fu, buy some new make-up, and vacuum bits of food that my boyfriend trails around off the carpet.

I thought I would be reclaiming my life after I left law school. Instead I'm piling on and piling on. I love so much about my life now, yet there are some things that I feel like I'm losing my grip on more than ever before. There's never a good time to do anything, is there?

No wonder my mother always said that once you leave college it's too hard to go back to school. I can see how you could just be frantically going through the motions of life and lose track of time. Suddenly you wake up and you're 55. After all those years of promising yourself that you'll lose some weight, join the symphony, or run a marathon, sooner or later tomorrow becomes today.

Where are the brakes?